Struggling......

I am struggling......with a lot of stuff.

I am struggling with how I feel about myself. Yes, I am working out everyday...I even printed out my workout schedule and have it taped by my side of the bed. I put little smiley face stickers on it when I complete my workout. I also joined WOWY Super Gym...... I was hoping that I would be able to meet people who are doing the same workout program as me and that we could be "workout buddies"...... I am also trying to eat healthier, which isn't exactly going that great. I got a thing for sweets! I am trying to look at healthy recipes and try new things, but I just want to keep going back to my favorite, high-in-calorie foods...... I still feel very blah. I am right in between sizes and it is frustrating. 7/8 is a little too big and a 5/6 is a little too small. Wish my body would just lose the weight already!

I am struggling with being so far away from family and close friends. Especially right now with what my family is going through. For those of you who read my blog know that my Uncle Brant passed away Sept. 17, 2010. It will be 6 months in a few days since he has left us to join Heavenly Father and our other family. I still miss him terribly and think about him all the time. Now my family and I are trying to deal with the fact that my Grandpa (Brant's dad) is really sick, in the hospital, and this may be his time to join his family in the next life. My Grandpa Hannah has been very sick for many, many years. He was diagnosed with Lupus when my mom was in her late teens and has been suffering with this for so long. I have been praying that me and my family will be able to cope with this...... that I will be able to cope with this being SO far away from my family...again. It is so hard to pray for him to get better when I know that he is suffering. I love him so very much and I know that this will be even harder for me to deal with than with what I was feeling when Brant passed on.

I am struggling with not seeing my wonderful, hard-working husband very much. My sweet little Ethan broke down crying tonight because he misses his daddy so much. We just sat hugging each other for a few minutes, crying while Miss Ryan said "Oh...sad... It okay E-hes and mommy..." What sweet little spirits we have and we are so blessed to have them in our lives. I told Ethan and Ryan that Daddy misses us three very much and that he is gone so much because he is trying to do well in school. I then told them that after this week of tests that Daddy has 9 days that he is planning on spending time with us...that we are going to go on a trip and have lots of fun! Stew called a few minutes after our talk and Ethan cried again to his daddy telling him that he misses him so much...... I got teary-eyed again.

I feel like I am still struggling a little bit with making friends here. I am trying to let this wall down that I have up and let the girls here get to know me, but it is really hard. I have already lost a friendship with one of the girls here and I think I am just afraid of it happening again.

And lastly, I am struggling with not flipping out on my extremely rude neighbors. The ones above us stomp around until all hours of the night, are rude when I try to tell them to knock it off..... I know that I need to call the 24-hour line and complain, but I feel bad for the guy that has to come and listen to what we are listening to. The ones right next door are quiet now at nights because Stew went and yelled at them...... Maybe I should have him yell at the ones above us because me saying something to them isn't working. Another thing that drives me nuts about the neighbors above us is the fact that they use a handicap sign in their car when there isn't anything wrong with them AND the guy's mom isn't living with them anymore (the mom needed the handicap sign)!!!!!!!

Finally starting to feel better...... Sorry for the complaining... I can't keep it bottled up inside otherwise I really explode and at the worst times too.